You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
