5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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