My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there was a trapeze. enough said
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
