Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
