Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
