We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
