you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
