Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
