she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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