She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
