yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
