omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
