theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
