i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
