maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my shit smells like andre
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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