Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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