she was so not down for the gang bang
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
