its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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