My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
