I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
