Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
