there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
