you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
