my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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