He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
