People in love make me want to vomit
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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