I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
