How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
