there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
