Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
