Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
