I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
