I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
