Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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