He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
