Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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