Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it's like heaven, but drunker
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
