She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
