anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
