It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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