Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
