The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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