I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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