if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
