I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
