wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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