officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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