you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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