New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think your dad took our porno
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
