OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We need to get me chipped asap
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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