We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
