Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Randomize
