u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
