she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
